How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
