I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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