Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize