That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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