Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you win again, gameday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
