so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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