At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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