the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
