He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
