i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
