i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize