I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dignity is for republicans.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
