if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
