I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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