I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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