But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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