He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
