I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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