C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
