I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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