In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
