Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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