We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
