she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
