this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
