So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
