You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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