i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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