Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
