She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
