the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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