I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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