I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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