What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
