I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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