forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
