TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
