I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
