the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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