roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
