i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
