I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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