when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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