another moral hangover. fuck.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
