i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
