EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize