bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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