I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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