if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
