i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So vagazzling was a success
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
