i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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