Sponge bath it is.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
