Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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