i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
