You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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