Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize