she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
