What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
