Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
