I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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