Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
