I skipped work to stalk him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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