My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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