I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
