I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
