Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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