That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
