I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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