I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
