can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
