ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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