Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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