R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
