I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
