You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i think i just lost a toe
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
