be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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