Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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