He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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