so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize