Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
