I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
