We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize