you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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