There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
