It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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