I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize