You can't motorboat a personality
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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