you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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