the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
