Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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