My balls are so social today.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
