Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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