the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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