I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
