Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
