I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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