I wish i was in the wii world.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
