well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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