I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize