i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
