I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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