Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
