Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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