i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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