Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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