I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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