Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize