the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
