I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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