Will you blow on my dice?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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